One year ago, I left the small town where I was studying to be a computer engineer. At 21 y.o. and after 3 years of intense studying, working, and being in a relationship, I fully understood that I was progressing too SLOW. I stacked up about 2k and left for one of the biggest European cities, Athens (population 3.7M).
At the time, I wanted to become a full time programmer. My education was not over (a degree is 5 years here), but I was confident I could find a good job without one. I was also doing a lot of tutoring to other college students at the time, keeping me monetarily afloat. I found an old, shity house for cheap in a not-so-good part of town and stayed there.
I had just broken up with my girl (not doing the long distance shit) so I was pretty emotionally numb. I slept on a matrice on the floor. Work was intense, (no time to go out), so after 2 weeks I installed tinder. In a few days I matched with a girl that fit my criteria and vibe, so I decided to go out with her. Prettiest girl I had been with so far, about my height (5'9), slim & athletic, a Greek TikToker.
I am not going to say that I was "red-pilled" but I certainly had a good grasp of human psychology. She was a party girl (tekno, dr*gs, promiscuity, club promoter, etch), that "had left all that behind", deleted her social media and turned to spirituality and inner peace. She was 1 year older than me, 22.
A few days after we matched, we met. A rainy night in my shity part of town. I am not big on dinner/coffee dates, so I took her for a walk with a few cans of beer and cigarettes. The connection was out of this world. She shit tested me more than any other girl I had met and I enjoyed it immensely. I love the game. The subtle dance of attraction. If it was easy it wouldn't be worth it anyways. A couple of nights later, we were laying naked in bed (hers, I wouldn't take her to my shit hole of an apartment), laughing, as her thirty-something y.o. ex-boyfriend was hammering the front door. I had just fucked her on the floor while he watched our reflection on a wall mirror through the window.
A few days later, we are smoking in the window, as the first rays of the sun are hitting our face. We must have met at 10pm that night but time got away from us. Admiring the sunrise, enjoying its warmth on our naked skin, lost in the view, she turns and says to me “Never met a man like you Theo” “I think I am in love with you”. This is where every “red-pill” coach would turn and tell you “She has a past, she is damaged, blah blah blah”. I knew all that, it was pretty obvious. Sometimes, though, you got to touch the flame. Smell the burning flesh, taste destruction. All in the framework of “I know this is going to go wrong - but I know its going to be fun and will grow me up years in the span of months”.
“I think I am in love with you too X”
There was never a conversation about it. That night we slept in her house, as we did for every night after that. I brought my laptop there, every night we would drink, fuck and talk until ~6 am, would sleep for a couple of hours, she would go to work and I would work on my projects for tutoring (had a massive amount of clients, making really good money). In the afternoon, we would sleep for a couple of hours more, I would go to the park to hit my workout, she would cook, rinse and repeat. I also explained to her that I love her, and that would not change no matter how many other women I fucked. She did not get it at first, but trusted me to never leave her for any other girl I was with.
We were planning to leave Greece. The Covid vaccine mandating seemed imminent, and I was not going to accept the jab. Where planning to go live in Poland. Both stacking money, both enjoying our common purpose. Drinking all night, working all day. By this time, its December. We have been together less than 2 months, but the intensity of the relationship made it seem like we knew each other for years. On the night of December 31, we decided to take MDMA (hallucinogenic drug) she had taken it a bunch of times, I had never. At 12 pm, just as the year wrapped up, we made calls to our families, wished them all a good year, told them how much we loved them, as we cheered our glasses. It was an amazing night. We stayed in. Good music, good vibes, the MD started to kick in at 12:20. A normal dose is ⅛ of a gram, by the morning we had taken about 1 g each.
The connection that night was 10 times deeper. MD does that to you, it makes you feel emotions a lot more than normal. It was like we could read each others minds. We spend hours in the morning, laying in bed, holding hands and hallucinating while looking at the ceiling. Might sound degenerate, but was the deepest connection you could imagine and then some. Around 2pm on January 1st, we fell asleep.
A few nights later, we were talking while in bed. MD had brought up a lot of uncomfortable thoughts in my mind. All the shit I had buried deep, all the insecurities. All the times I felt alone in this world, all the times I knew that if I died tomorrow no-one would blink an eye, the world would just go on. I talked to her about them. My deepest thoughts. She held me tight and told me she loved me. That time was different, though, I really felt it. And just like that, I felt free. Free of caring what everyone else thinks. If I could find 1 person that loved me for who I am, then I did not have to impress anyone. I could tell anyone that did not like my lifestyle, my views, the way I talked and acted, to FUCK OFF. I laid in bed, eyes wide open, unable to speak for at least an hour, I was finally free.
I woke up the next day, feeling like a different person. A new world opened before my eyes the night before. A world full of opportunities. She woke up, I grabbed her by the shoulders, and told her “X” “I don't know who you are no more” “I don't even know who I am.” “I feel like I just met you, not because you changed, but because the old me knows you, I don't”. She freaked out a bit. Over the next few days, we could not communicate at all. Me becoming a different person had, as expected, destroyed the delicate connection we had before. Long story short, a few days afterwards, we had broken up. Never saw her again for ~1 year. We met a few days ago, but that's a wild story for a different time.
For the next 3 months I was heartbroken. Focused on getting more clients, stacking up more money and creating Spartan Health. Fucked a bunch of new girls but did not feel anything. I truly felt I would be with that girl forever. What pulled me throught was one thing. The thing I kept telling my self every time I went against my better judgement, letting me fall in love the last 2 months. “Its time for you to fuck-up. You will enjoy the process and grow immensely from it”.
From that sunrise, just a week in our experience, I kept telling my self that. Controlled chaos had insured since. The most intense connection I had ever made, the most money I ever generated, the most drugs, alcohol, sleepless nights, experiences. It would not last. It was not “Wise”, but it was the best learning experience I could ask for. I will not share here the specific things I learned, that's not the point.
Moral of the story is not to copy what i did. It worked for me because I am me, something different will work for you.
Moral of the story is, the younger you are, and the more inexperienced you are, the fastest you should dive into chaos, the more crazy stories and experiences you should gather, and the less you should be afraid of failure.
They say, men learn from their mistakes,
Wise men learn from the mistakes of others.
I say, you have to EARN the skill of learning from other peoples mistakes. And how you do that, is making some mistakes yourself. Go out there, seek Chaos, seek to Live, seek to Learn.
P.S.
If you want to up your looks and have a Tinder profile looking like this:
Start by getting a better-looking face!
Good luck man,
Theo